Thank you xenu.net!
Date: Tue, 7 May 2002
Wow! About a month ago I was going through very rough patch of life. Things like, a relationship breakdown, working stress, lack of sleep, habitual smoking of thc and nicotine, newly developed occasional use of amphetamines and generally feeling I couldn't find my place/thing/niche (I still haven't found this) in this world. I am 26 and some, all or even more of these situations are faced in varying degrees, by similar aged friends around me. Media also has me noticing far more incidences of the things mentioned, especially legal and illicit drug usage, occurring at younger and younger ages. This leaves people like myself and others mentioned vulnerable.
I do attempt to focus and rationalize my mind often, as I believe this is the key to stop my coming but seemingly unstoppable self destruction. I looked to seek out some validity in my assertions that my mind was not well.
OK............ I need to rate myself?.................... I need a benchmark!. ....... Google search "personality test" ok Church of Scientology. Away we go.
Now I am from Australia and not sure if this bears any relevance to the text I am now writing. I get more than enough hours a day of nightly news, read daily newspapers, and occasionally come across a tabloid newspaper that we have here on sundays. Like I said I am 26 and have been absorbing the rational world like a sponge since day one. Never ever have I heard any bad press and controversy about the CofS. Its ooooooooh ah famous people do it, it's mysterious, it actually receives good press and famous people do it so it must be legit. We all secretly want to live our lives like famous people to some extent and furthermore, everyone thinks they can better themselves in some way.
I do the test..... phwoooor.... how many questions it? Its huge! I am not one for detail but it was just massive, so therefore I immediately get the notion that this must seriously delve into me as a person. A few days pass........ everything is the same... its good but then I know it could be a little better. Check my email one afternoon. Oh cool the results are in..... WHAT?!?!..... I am seriously f#$*!# up, holy hell!, I had some suspicions but ??????!!!! THIS?! They even sent some stuff at the bottom of their email which began, Additional Syndromes (not to be read by the testee!), but hey, I was reading it!
Initially I was feeling like I was absolutely on the brink, I was in actual tears of disappointment and failure. I called parents and loved ones to console and support me. I spoke to them of the results and most thought I was quite well adjusted, the test results were a mistake or said stuff like "how do they know that from 200 questions?" "surely the test can't apply to, be correct for every single individual" and others were slightly worried about the mentioned results. I called the church here in my city, and gave them the usual inquisition, as I would for religious hawkers. CofS actually sounded very good, there is no actual god mentioned (I've always had trouble fathoming religious faith so this is good!). They say "we want the best that people can be" "we aim to help". I asked what they stand for, I can't remember what it was, but it sounded great! It was all quite appealing!
For three and a bit very long weeks the stuff in these results were in the back of my mind playing over and over, I kept trying to monitor myself, leading to paranoia, slowly this stuff was crushing me. Then snap! I broke away from a loving relationship of four years. I was blaming every aspect of my life on these results. I week of pure depression, several thoughts and near action in suicide. This test and these results are some serious clouds on ones mind and psyche.
A month or so had passed since that first and only call I made to the CofS, my life seemed absolutely screwed, the lowest of lows. I did not assume it was the test as it was the great insight that I needed,later I found I was very....... very...... wrong! A second call was made as they were sending me weekly emails and seemed to be genuinely wanting to help me "for just a small fee" I was told, seemed reasonable? I couldn't get any lower so an appointment to see them was imminent. Gee whiz.... aren't they open such fantastic hours? So fantastic that everyone could have great access to them. Even out of work hours!
I rock up to the CofS building only half an hour after my call. I wondered how they could manage to get such a prime piece of inner city real estate after coming across as such a humble institution? I wondered but didn't dwell on it as this was it! time to get sorted today!
It was a public holiday no less, which would see anyone who worked, double their hourly wage. The place was a venerable hive of activity. I didn't know if they were getting an hourly rate, I assumed they did this purely out of altruism. Ok, I waited watching a video of someone who reminded me of an evil Arthur C Clarke, I glanced around, nothing was looking too suspicious, while someone with a bit of clout (now in hindsight this clout was merely the ability to fake flawless sincerity) could come and talk to me. The oxford analysis IQ test was taken while she fetched my graph, 131 was scored, I was elated! I neglected to see how the IQ results were marked and it only took 2 minutes to check my 70 completed multi choice answers. I would like to think the test had some validity, but really was probably bait, insofar that "hey you are a very smart person and you've shown the wisdom to come and see us" I think privately "yeah damn straight! I am smart, thanks" the trick had begun, like invisible tentacles. More flawless sincerity was spoken. I felt obliged to watch a video illustrating "auditing", boring and pathetic I couldn't relate to this process at all. Interestingly enough I found the most interest at the very end when this state of "clear" was spoken of, thought to myself "Yeah, I should aspire to clear", little did I know!
Due to the public holiday long weekend I was practically broke and actually so very disappointed that I was not able to take an initial session costing $200 I couldn't even spare enough to buy one of those seeming essential 10 page $8 booklets. I've been working for years and almost thankfully have saved nothing. "what about a credit card?" they ask. um? I think about it, already I am halfway to my limit, that is scary enough for me! What they were asking would take me a fair percentage closer to the limit and the banks rob enough interest from me as it is, let alone compound that with an easy CofS addiction. NO WAY! I tell them my card is maxed out end of story. They arrange for one of their student auditors to see me for free in a week or so.... great! I left quite a few hours after I had entered. Walking back to my car fairly, disappointed that my help couldn't begin as I was broke, a little despondent at the prices too. But still willing because I was sold, I believed. If that's what it takes for me to find my proper happiness then so be it.
I do the test..... phwoooor.... how many questions it? Its huge! I am not Bless the internet! May it never go away! Bless freedom of information! It started with Google and it is poetic justice that it should end with Google.
So I got home wanting to get a head start on all of this CofS knowledge I had just received. I Google search "Dianetics", results are mostly CofS sites which I had been exposed to via the personality test anyway. I was hoping to cheat them out of some money by seeking L Ron Hubbard writings for free somewhere online. Couldn't find anything. I did however pull up xenu.net through that same search string "Dianetics". "Oh my god!" I mean literally you are my god for the moment, xenu.net you are my god, thank you. For a stranger to help me see, to expose what I was blind to. I think that you, xenu.net, and all your contributors I should thank deeply, as you are the absolute opposite of the CofS they say "we want to help you to help yourself" they fail, to disclose their costs, their subversive tricks and brain tampering. Where as you, xenu.net, and all your contributors Have helped me to help myself, for free and with no brain tampering, thank you! Incredibly enough first impressions of your site had me thinking that you were the bad guys, trying to discredit the CofS as being anything but altruism in its greatest form. It is beyond my comprehension how I was so sucked in from the CofS techniques.
Clearly this is powerful and either luckily or through a lot of evil minded work has the ability to create a impulsion to hand over great amounts of hard earned $$$$$ and hard learnt life lessons. People fundamentally need to feel the best they can, the CofS cuts you down and then ensure that they will fix up all of those things that they cut you down with. Although this scene I've never witnessed, I picture a small snowball rolling down an infinite and constant slope, gaining in size until it is able to destroy anything in its way with ease. Thankfully this snowball is connected in the 21st century. Thankfully this snowball stopped rolling!
Words can hardly describe! and I can't express enough gratitude to xenu.net.
I feel the it of the utmost importance to run off 1000+ xenu.net stickers and slap them in the corridors of their premises and within a 100 metre radius of their prime inner city goats belly. It's the least I could do, although I feel sympathy to someone who has dedicated much time and effort to CofS only to come across a xenu.net sticker and follow it up, but is it not the aim to make all aware and expose the trickery and harm? CofS is millions of bubbles and bubbles burst!
Mere hours after coming across xenu.net I sat down and absolutely worked out my flaws and follies and the small gradual steps I need to correct these, by myself, for free, with my mind remaining the property of me.
big hug to xenu.net
ps. As a scary afterthought I had actually thought of ways that the CofS could have done better to suck me in. With a little more time and practice behind them, they will be able to fool the most cynical and rational people.
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