Joe's growing disillusionment with Scientology.
To: "Martin G. V. Hunt" <email@example.com>
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Martin G. V. Hunt wrote:
> On Thu, 27 Jun 1996, Joe Muldoon wrote:
> > I was almost sent to LA for the Managment Tech stuff... I would probably
> > still be there if I hadn't gotten out when I did. They also wanted me to
> > become a class 5 auditor. I did a lot of Dianetics auditing and I hated it
> > even while I was still at the Church.
> Ah; a no-case-gain case, eh? I've put up a description of this particular
> hook for the Scientology congame in a post called "daily word #15".
It really got to the point where Dianetics auditing was a drag! Everyone said that
the real gains were to be had on the Bridge - but as I looked at the people
around me, I started to really question the authenticity of C0$. I thought, if this
TECHNOLOGY really works why do I seem to be more stable then most of the people
that have been here for so long??? I had sort of a rough upbringing, yet I seemed
more comfortable with my past then most Scino's carrying less baggage. I think they
believe that they are letting go of their past, but, in all actuallity, they keep
reliving it, over and over again, in every part of their Journey up the Bridge!!
> When I was there at both ASHO and AOLA, it was for the HPCSC, the higher-
> level supervisor course; it was quite brutal, as we were directly under
> a Sea Org mission with three SO SOB missionaires. Hard way TRS (no blinking),
> Student hat, Staff statuses, PTS/SP + ups and downs, meter course, sup
> course, two internships (one for the meter, one for supervising classrooms.)
> I ended up supping the SHSBC at ASHO and the FEBC courseroom at AOLA; they
> didn't just train us and ship us back, but made us "earn our keep" or
> whatever by working 18 hour days there.
Wow - I feel for you. That's quite a resume that does you absolutely no good!
I'm really glad I got out before my head could be washed completely. There are
so many really good people involved with SCN that I wish I could help get out.
I met a bunch of cool people in my stint, some of whom I became close. I'd like
to walk back into the Church and just start yanking people out. Breathe, eat, and sleep
Scientology - THAT'S A HORID LIFESTYLE. And, yeah, I worked day and night, stuffing
envelopes, selling books, studying the Staff Status's, etc. It really sucked....
> > >How long have you been out? There's some great material out there on
> > >the web, including several books (and more coming.)
> > I've been released for about 8 months now. I've read some of the stuff
> > around the net and it seems pretty informative. In fact, this is how I
> > started to learn more about the destructive nature of Co$!
> I have a reading list of books on Scn:
> 1: A Piece of Blue Sky. Jon Atack.
> 2: Bare Faced Messiah. Russell Miller.
> 3: L. Ron Hubbard: Messiah or Madman? Bent Corydon.
> 4: The Road to Total Freedom. Roy Wallis, Roy.
> 5: Inside Scientology. Robert Kaufman.
> 6: Religion Inc. Stewart Lamont.
> 7: Scientology: The Now Religion. George Malko.
> 8: The Scandal of Scientology. Paulette Cooper.
> 9: The Mindbenders. Cyril Vosper, Cyril.
> 10: The Road to Xenu. Margery Wakefield.
Thanks for the information, I'll check these out. I'm also thinking about
putting some stuff on my site (www.cyberconnect.com/jmuldoon - don't bother,
It's pretty bare).
> Numbers 8 and 9 I did up in electronic format myself, scanning, proofreading,
> putting it out there for people's web pages...with the author's permission
> in both cases. Paulette's become a good friend, and I think that has been
> the single thing that has made me the happiest in two years on the net.
You seem really involved in this stuff. I've gotten responses from what (to me) seems
to be the core group on ars, including the Rev. Dennis Erlich. I'm really surprised
at the positive response. I guess I expected some 'newbie' flames, but I've
received only positive encouragement.
> > I don't consider this the WOG world anymore. In fact I try not to use the
> > nomenclature as much as possible - but it's hard sometimes. When I went on
> > my first technical job interview after Scn I kept telling myself to keep my
> > 'TRs' in!!!
> Oh, man; I know! Listen, I've spoken with a dozen people in your situation,
> and I wanted to give you a few bits of free advice (for you to throw out
> or use at your discretion :-) The first thing I've noticed is that people
> freshly out can go back in; I've seen that happen several times, and I
> wanted to warn you of it.
I hear you. I sometimes find myself criticizing SCN to friends or co-workers.
But when they start to join me in my SCN bashing I notice myself starting
to get defensive. I say, "Well you know Scientology is the worlds fastest growing
religion, etc., etc.,". It's really strange how sometimes I'm willing to defend
this CULT - I guess the implant is still active...
> The second thing is to take it slow on the
> criticism part; I've been out for seven years and happily married with
> a son and a life apart from Scientology, but I still catch myself thinking
> in cult terms sometimes (although most of the times you see me using
> cult-speak on the newsgroup, it is a deliberate send-up of Scientologese).
> Don't jump into posting and reading ars with both feet until you feel
> very secure with your life and over the experience to the extent that
> you understand what Scientology is really about and have a good understanding
> of cults; I'm serious about this. I've seen people flip back into the
> cult, er, "valence" ;-) after being on ars for a month or two. You may
> think it can't happen to you, but don't be too certain of that fact.
I'm here because I need to do this. I want to face this shit for the final
time and be done with the fear. I DO fear rejoining the CULT. I also know that I
will never go back. My life is really back toggether - even more so after leaving.
I have a great job and a solid future and I would never allow Scientology get in the
way of my sanity again. My family begged my to leave - Scientology told me to
'Disconnect'. FUCK THAT!!! I would never abandon my friends or family for a
surreal chance at 'Freedom'. To me this is not freedom. It is bondage in the worst
degree. I will not return because I am too strong at this point. I've recovered my
language from the depths of Co& nomenclature. I've also recovered my personal freedom
from the cults strange brand of freedom. I have no 'Dynamics', 'MUs', or Out TRS!!!
I have personal beliefs, thoughts, and ideas and I am free to live out of the obscure
LRH TEK framework. I'm out. Exterior. OT25....
> There's plenty of people to fight the cult, and there's no need for
> you personally to become involved in this battle; some of us are here
> for the long haul, and it is not something I would wish upon anyone else;
> we have to put up with some pretty serious crap, including lawsuits,
> death threats, job loss, hang-up phone calls, having infor from our folders
> posted to the net and spread about, and many other things. This is no
> joke, and it's not a party; it's a war.
I respect what you've done in the trenches. It's not pretty work, but someone's
gotta do it. If it weren't for people like you and your ars comrads the world
would be a lot less informed. Reading this stuff and all the various Anti-SCN web
pages is how I removed my persona from SCN and placed it back into reality. You guys deserve
a round of applause, not just from me, but from all the other lurkers out there trying
to inform themselves of the evil empire known as the CULT of Scientology.
> As long as you understand the stakes of being a critic ex-Scn on ars,
> I welcome you aboard...but I want you to come on and tell your story
> with your eyes open as to the possible consequences.
My eyes are WIDE open and I'm not doing TR 1 (or whichever crazy TR that was --
God, I hated staying into those blank eyes...). I don't have much of a story to
tell - I was only in for 8 months - but I know enough to damage Co$ here in Chi-town.
> Good luck on ridding your mind of the cult's semantics, btw. I found it
> very helpful to keep a journal and write down Scn terms when I used them,
> and then write up a good definition for them in my own terms; a kind
> of reverse "word-clearing" to get the words out of my mind. It's funny,
> because when I write to a new ex-Scn and use a term like "critic" or
> "thought" or "case", I'm constantly aware of how these words communicate
> different things than their simple English connotations.
It's tough to rid this crap from your standard vocabulary. I sometimes stop a conversation
because I used a SCN term that makes me reflect. I'm sure all you ex-scn's out there
know what I'm talking about!!!
> Anyway, I've rattled on enough; I hope you are doing well. The dire
> predictions about us when we left have not proven true! :-)
But hopefully our predictions of the Church WILL someday. Could you just imagine
Study Tech in all the schools, Dianetics centers replacing established health care
institutions, etc, etc.? That's what they want! To Clear to the planet and then start
on another. What a bunch of crap!
> > Take care,
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[ Joe Muldoon <Vic20> ]
[ firstname.lastname@example.org ]
[ Keeper of the Garage (http://www.cyberconnect.com/jmuldoon) ]
Even if your afraid of day, it cannot always be night.