More on Moira Hutchison's experiences in Scientology.
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February 5, 1997
I feel that I have started a flood of emotions and feelings that I was
not aware of prior to writing my ‘Testimonial’ about my life in
Scientology.
I mentioned in my last writing that my belief system had changed very
much. This has made me reflect even deeper than before and
investigate the true extent of where I am at now.
I have previously discussed in general terms what the extent of my
‘ethics handlings’ were. I am now going to try and go deeper into
this, you will have to bear with me on this, it is still a pretty
emotional area for me.
I have already explained to you all that I was very young when I went
through this. This resulted in my acceptance of a lot of things that
went on without questioning them. However, in climbing back into the
real world it allows me to look back on my own experiences and those
witnessed.
I was appointed to be the Executive Director in Edinburgh upon my
return from LA. One month into this appointment, an officer was sent
from the Sea Org in East Grinstead. His brief was to find out what
suppressive act I was doing that inhibited the making a high level of
GI (Gross Income) and having a lot of services being delivered. I
was expected to be selling and delivering Scn levels to clients who
did not even know what Dianetics were. Not only that, I did not have
any staff members qualified to deliver these levels.
I need to digress here and tell you the reason I knew what the brief
this officer was sent to Edinburgh with. Some time later, I was at
the SO in East Grinstead and the officer in question was being sent to
the RPF. He asked to talk to me privately before he left and he
informed me of the above. He told me that he felt I was unfairly
targeted with some heavy ethics handling.
Anyways, back to my story! It was awful, words can’t totally explain
what I felt. I was shut in a room with this officer for up to four
hours at a time. I was constantly asked with various slants on the
question, what CI (counter intention) I had to ‘clearing the planet’,
LRH, SCN, and Dianetics. This interrogation left me feeling like I
was sitting on the edge of a huge black abyss. I got to the point
that I would say anything to avoid being pushed any further.
The result of this interrogation was that I was sent to the SO. This
was supposedly for one day, I returned to Edinburgh seven days later.
Upon my arrival in the org, I was accused of blowing my ethics
handling. This was because the Commanding Officer had not approved
my leaving the SO. Rather, it was the Ethics Officer that said I was
finished and ‘let’s get me back home to kick some butt!!’
This leads me to another digression!! Wherever I was in the Cof S, I
made friends and allies, people who really saw and understood who I
was. A decent caring individual that believed in what I was doing -
helping people with their ‘cases’. The Ethics Officer was very kind
to me and I got the impression he did not feel that I should even be
there.
This first trip to my quasi-RPF program, I previously said that I had
gone for a one day stay that turned into seven. You can imagine how
degraded and dirty I felt. If you are going away for a day, you’d
take your shampoo, toothbrush and change of underwear... Right!?!
Because I did not understand what this program entailed, I had worn a
skirt and heels. I had to spend 5-6 hours a day writing up my
transgressions, the rest of my time I was on kitchen and cleaning
duty. I was heckled and ordered about by other officers - ‘eyes
to the ground’, ‘run don’t walk’. Once I was instructed to clean
all of the windows inside and out. An officer started to laugh to
her colleagues and said ‘look she is even out-tech when she cleans
windows!’ LRH even had a policy on how to clean windows!!!
While on this program, I was not allowed to eat at the same time as
anyone else, I had to eat any leftovers after mealtimes.
Anyways, back in Edinburgh! I was ‘permitted’ to stay there but I was
demoted to being the deputy ED. Something that I and the people who
worked with me felt was a gross injustice. We all sent telexes to the
higher levels of Scn Management. I did strongly feel that they never
got sent out because every transmission had to be vetted by the SO in
the UK before they went anywhere.
Things muddled on for a while. I mentioned in my previous article
that the Commanding Officer was busted for improper sexual acts.
This heralded the appointment of a ‘garrison mission’ from the States.
I can truly say that this woman was a power crazy person who did not
care who she stood on to look good in the eyes of her own higher ups.
In my first conversation with her, I was told that I was the woman
that had been sent to LA for the best level of admin training only to
return home and ‘crash the org’.
I went to Saint Hill (in East Grinstead) for some sort of new LRH
release. I had driven down with some clients and we were intending
to share the driving and return to Edinburgh that night. This new
Commanding Officer wanted to talk to me. The result? I was ordered
to stay for four days on my second quasi-RPF program. Again, totally
unprepared to be away from home.
There was another instance where an officer was sent to Edinburgh to
investigate me. (This was actually before the one I just mentioned).
I was interrogated about my family life - i.e. my life outside the
church. This officer felt that it was putting undue pressure on me.
The result being that I could not give my whole being the Cof S.
This is really where I started feeling like I was stuck between a rock
and a hard place. You see, I had not seen my father and sisters for
nine months; my father was angry and did not understand what was
taking me away from them. I love my father dearly and I wanted to
try and make up for the fact that I had basically disappeared from his
life. When I told the officer this, I was told that I had to go and
have supper with my family and then cut ties with them because I was
obviously a PTS (Potential Trouble Source) and my father was
Suppressive to Scn.
You know what the most horrible thing is? I did it. I still had
that much blind trust in Scn. I am very proud to be able to say that
I now have a very deep and special relationship with my father. He
trusted in who I am and waited for me to be part of his life again.
I told you that the ‘ethics handling’ programs I did were only
quasi-RPF. In the UK people were sent somewhere to do the RPF
program. I have also previously told you that I carried out kitchen
duties whilst in LA. This allowed me to see the RPFers there. They
would come in to eat after everyone else had left. I found this
deeply disturbing. Everyone was dressed in dark blue overalls, they
did not walk, they shuffled with their heads always bowed down low,
and no-one would utter a word.
I became pretty close with an officer in the ASHO whose husband was on
the RPF. I remember her telling me, very excitedly, that she was to
be allowed to share her half hour meal breaks with her husband. When
she told me this, she had not seen him for a year.
Scary stuff eh!?! In my opinion, the reason this carries on is,
obviously fear based; but I feel that the hierarchy of Scn is
dominated by people who have never experienced life outside of the
church. This is a very dangerous concept particularly when there is
so much power bestowed upon these people.
Reviewing all of this makes me feel honoured to have been brought up
as a Quaker. Quakerism accepts all types of religion at face value
and does not try to convert anyone. I can not say that I now belong
to any set faith or religion. I like to think that I have become
eclectic. I am open to truth in any form, it just can not walk over
people’s freedoms and rights.
In closing, I would like to reiterate my sentiment about helping
anyone coming to terms with coming out of the CofS or having problems
with having come out..... Contact me.
Moira Hutchison