[22 Dec 1997]

Main Index A.R.S. Web Summary Media

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I was just sittin' here, sippin' on egg-nog in the ARSCC Chimerical
Library, hummin' a little Christmas ditty, thumbin' through the latest
Cosmo, now and again scratchin' daintily at my thigh (I just *love* that
weird little goose-bumpy scritchy sound fingernails on nylons make, don't
you?), when all of a sudden:

BAM, BAM, BAM! I heard this *pounding* at the back door! In *other* words,
there arose such a clatter, that I *sprang* from my chair to see *what* was
the matter! I made my way through the cloak room (*still* no lightbulb!
A-hem!), wondering if it might be that cute ARSCC Sheriff takin' me up on
my offer. (I mean, it's *way* too early to be Santa.) I slowly opened the
back door and peered around the edge.

Nothin'. Nobody. I stuck my head out and looked up and down the alley.
Nothin'. Nobody. Just a few light flakes of snow wafting on the cold
evening air.

Hm, I thought. That's weird. Even for the ethereal world of the ARSCC.
Maybe it was McShane trying to execute a search warrant, and he got the
wrong alley. Who knows. <SHRUG>.

I was just starting to close the door when I happened to glance down. Lying
on the stoop, on a light dusting of snow, was a piece of paper. I almost
missed it against the white snow. I picked it up, closed the door, and took
it inside. I put it on the radiator to dry a bit while I warmed my hands
and my taut little tushie, then brought it over to the desk and slipped on
my *totally* bookish tortoise-shell glasses.

Imagine my surprise. It was a letter to *somebody* from the Library of
Congress. Here, you may as well read it yourself:

(Down the side):
101 Independence Avenue, S.E.
Washington, D.C. 20559-6000

"September 23, 1997

"Our reference: [BLACKED OUT]

"This refers to your request of recent date.

SCIENTOLOGY POLICY: basic staff v. 0; by L. Ron Hubbard. Appl
author: compilation, editorial revisions, some text: Church of
Scientology International, employer for hire. Prev. reg. 1975,
A 599650. New matter: "compilation, some text, editorial
revisions." Registered in the name of Norman F. Starkey as
executor of the Estate of L. Ron Hubbard doing business as L.
Ron Hubbard Library, effective October 20, 1987 under TX
2-187-253 following publication October 16, 1986 and creation
in 1986.

"Facts of registration for A 599650 mentioned above are as

of scientology policy. Vol. 0: basic staff volume. By
L. Ron Hubbard. New matter: compilation, abridgement &
revisions. Registered in the name of L. Ron Hubbard,
under A 599650 following publication September 15, 1974.

"Your remittance of $20.00 has been applied in payment for
this search and report.

"Robin L. Coreas
"Senior Copyright Research Specialist
"Reference & Bibliography Section"

Wonder who would drop this off for me?

Whoever it was, it looks like Sherman Lenske and company, with Norm's help,
have pulled another fast one and put L. Ron Hubbard's name in the title
again. <Giggle!> I just can't get *over* that trick--just like with "A New
Slant on Life." All those Scientologists lining up with beaming faces to
buy *ga-zillions* of dollars worth of books that they think are *by* L. Ron
Hubbard. But these new books are really *by* Hubbard AND by people hired by
the Church of Scientology, all mixed in together.

This is *so smart*! Heck, they can change the contents all they want now!
Since "L. Ron Hubbard" is just a trademark, and since they call themselves
the "L. Ron Hubbard Library," and since they put his name in the *title*,
they can get away with it. Well, I guess that's why *they* are lawyers, and
*I'm* just a lowly librarian. <Heavy SIGH>.

<TAP, TAP, TAP of pencil, thoughtfully on desk, echoing in the empty
chambers of the ARSCC Chimerical Library.>

Except for that pesky little matter of fraud. Hm. Let me look that up. I'll
just flip through my legal dictionary here. Let's see, "franchise,"
"fratricide," Here it is! "Fraud." Hm, it says "knowledge of falsity and
intention to deceive." Oh, my, my, my. I mean, *I* thought all these books
were authored only by L. Ron Hubbard. Didn't you? Wouldn't anybody, the way
they are packaged and advertised and sold? Say, none of you went out and
spent *money* on one of these books 'cause it had only L. Ron Hubbard's
name on the cover, did you? Wonder how many people have, and how much
*money* is involved here?

Hm, "fraud" also says, "misrepresentation, concealment or nondisclosure of
a material fact, or at least misleading conduct, devices, or contrivance."

Well, shoot! I wonder how many books and things they've *done* this with?
Think I'll go log onto LOCIS and see. Now where's my egg nog? I'll let you
know what I find out! Ta-ta! And Merry Christmas!

--<The ARSCC Librarian>

*The ARSCC, like its saucy and all-decked-out-for-the-holidays librarian,
does not exist.